Thank you- your words resonate so much with me especially We need to stop talking about suicide as though those who take their own lives have done so knowing and understanding what their actions have meant for people theyve left behind. Suicide is multi-faceted and we need to start recognising this. So 1. I lost my brother last year to suicide and it boggles my mind the insensitive and closed minded comments that people say to me. Just as you put it- We have a culture of abnormalising healthy emotions instead of encouraging self-validation and self-acceptance. Hear hear! Beautifully written piece- your sister would be so proud of you. Take care
lack of emotional tools to cope with such intense thoughts and feelings.I can think of three people who I knew who committed suicide. One of them suffered from severe mental illness and was hospitalized for extended periods of time before he finally took his own life. Another one seemed to live a normal, healthy productive life until he got enmeshed in a difficult legal problem which turned his life upside down and ultimately he made his fateful decision. The third one was a young woman seemingly with the world at her feet, just about to start university. Im sure there were signs, but it seems to me one of the problems is that those signs of someone being at-risk can be found quite often. What do you do if you recognize those signs? Tell them to get help. They already know theyre in trouble.I dont believe its quite accurate to say its a lack of emotional tools. The issue is that the emotional tools they have have been overwhelmed. Everyone has their breaking point. One of the people I know who took his own life was in a profession where youre screened for being emotionally and mentally robust (in fact these professions tend to have high rates of suicide).I dont know what the answer is, Im just venting because this stuff bothers me. The numbers are terrible, the cost is enormous and we still seem to be floundering.
I can totally relate to the feelings & attempts, & I am now going through this with my 14 year old daughter. I am grateful that she spoke out & asked for help, she is on medication & is becoming the daughter again I missed for so long. However nearly 3 months on we are still waiting for a appointment for her to see a counselor / psychologist after initial assessment because there isnt enough staff. This is totally unacceptable in my opinion when she & many are asking for help. Their answer is phone the police or take her to a&e if I am concerned or she is at risk. My reply I am concerned everyday & she is at risk everyday. System failure could possibly result in another statistic.
What we forget is that advice should be tempered with the knowledge that we are all slightly different in how we respond to a situation and no response is wrong as long as it doesnt harm another. Lets just go easy with the advice and learn to hug another, support them to find their own way. Grief counselling is an option if its done with love and care and it can be life changing. I was that age when i received equally bad news, I responded by shutting up for twelve months, didnt speak much at all and lost weight. No grief counselling, no hugs, just get on with it.
Very well written and completely agree and feel for you and your family.
I beg to differ that there are no signs also, in hindsight after the suicide of my brother there were many... my brother passed away 3 years ago and Im still coming to terms with what has happened however I do not believe he made a selfish decision and as you say it was just a response to his overwhelming anguish. Thanks for your story.
My advice is TRY not to feel guilty, it is easy to believe we could have, should have, would have been able to change the outcome but that is often because we believe that with foresight, we could have changed it......the truth is we often never know, but that belief can be very self destructive to people as it can become a never ending loop.....often we never know why, so we believe a person has done it because of depression, mental illness, bullying..... but there are other reasons such as overwhelming expectations on them or a struggle to cope with normal living, even sexual assault and abuse that is not know about..... in the case of me, I deal with suicidal tendencies and I am more likely to attempt suicide when I am calm, peaceful, relaxed which is at odds with what people are told, as that is seen as good signs... but for me it actually means my mind has shut off all emotions, influences and most thoughts and put me in a void of bliss..... the irony is many of my attempts were caused by meds that I should not have been given by experts that misdiagnosed my mental illness.......Time is said to be a healer, time eases the pain but the scars always remain on our hearts, I know because I have lost some dear people and until my last memory of them is lost, they will always be remembered by me... cherish the memories of the person you knew and loved.... because thats how we want people to remember us when we are gone.... our smiles, laughter, fun, happiness.... not as a person that was mentally ill or committed suicide, that was just an aspect of our lives
In order to avoid a heartbreaking scenario there is a crucial requirement a genuinely suicidal individual needs. Accessible professional support. Sadly our caring nation decides year after year that its too expensive.
There are lots of signs. Always take a person seriously if they talk about ending their life. Its usually a long and lonely journey for the person that requires some thorough planning. Very seldom will it be a spur of the moment decision. Watch out for pill hoarding. In order to avoid detection they might very slowly over time collect medicines for a lethal dose. Common ones are paracetamol or ibuprofen easy to get and easy to hide. Sometimes theres self harm so cutting etc. look for long sleeves and personality changes.Some withdraw from the world others continue to function. Best advice, trust your gut. Ive had two loved ones go this way, the most recent was 3months ago. My gut knew it was coming, both times.
Okay so what they then? Ive not seen anything that talks about those sorts of things in the latest crop of articles. Apart from mindfulness, which I consider to be rather too cultish for my liking.
2 anyone that may want to share, what r the warning signs?
I am not a big reader but I read a book by Dr Raj Presaud called from the edge of the couch and it was a bunch of short stories about people who had seen him as a psychologist over the years. The big take away from this book was that we are all different and not every â˜different person needs to be fixed, just accepted. Reading this article made me think about how many people judge others by commenting in thoughtless ways. If we accepted people more without judgement perhaps society in general would be in a much healthier place. Well written article.
There is good training out there that teaches how to respond to signs, thoughts and attempts at suicide but it is being ignored by the media because drama sells news. Check out R U OK, QPR, Le Va - all available for training, even in workplaces - something employers should be doing to improve the wellbeing of their employees. Google the Mental Health Foundation There is even a government funded programme that has training for Maori and Pasifika communities. The media has a responsibility for reporting the whole picture and frankly it isnt.
There are helplines that are immediately accessed and can be called daily as needed.
There is immediate intervention, but it can often take 6 months for serious ongoing care. Tragically that can be far too late.
Thank you- your words resonate so much with me especially We need to stop talking about suicide as though those who take their own lives have done so knowing and understanding what their actions have meant for people theyve left behind. Suicide is multi-faceted and we need to start recognising this. So 1. I lost my brother last year to suicide and it boggles my mind the insensitive and closed minded comments that people say to me. Just as you put it- We have a culture of abnormalising healthy emotions instead of encouraging self-validation and self-acceptance. Hear hear! Beautifully written piece- your sister would be so proud of you. Take care
lack of emotional tools to cope with such intense thoughts and feelings.I can think of three people who I knew who committed suicide. One of them suffered from severe mental illness and was hospitalized for extended periods of time before he finally took his own life. Another one seemed to live a normal, healthy productive life until he got enmeshed in a difficult legal problem which turned his life upside down and ultimately he made his fateful decision. The third one was a young woman seemingly with the world at her feet, just about to start university. Im sure there were signs, but it seems to me one of the problems is that those signs of someone being at-risk can be found quite often. What do you do if you recognize those signs? Tell them to get help. They already know theyre in trouble.I dont believe its quite accurate to say its a lack of emotional tools. The issue is that the emotional tools they have have been overwhelmed. Everyone has their breaking point. One of the people I know who took his own life was in a profession where youre screened for being emotionally and mentally robust (in fact these professions tend to have high rates of suicide).I dont know what the answer is, Im just venting because this stuff bothers me. The numbers are terrible, the cost is enormous and we still seem to be floundering.
I can totally relate to the feelings & attempts, & I am now going through this with my 14 year old daughter. I am grateful that she spoke out & asked for help, she is on medication & is becoming the daughter again I missed for so long. However nearly 3 months on we are still waiting for a appointment for her to see a counselor / psychologist after initial assessment because there isnt enough staff. This is totally unacceptable in my opinion when she & many are asking for help. Their answer is phone the police or take her to a&e if I am concerned or she is at risk. My reply I am concerned everyday & she is at risk everyday. System failure could possibly result in another statistic.
What we forget is that advice should be tempered with the knowledge that we are all slightly different in how we respond to a situation and no response is wrong as long as it doesnt harm another. Lets just go easy with the advice and learn to hug another, support them to find their own way. Grief counselling is an option if its done with love and care and it can be life changing. I was that age when i received equally bad news, I responded by shutting up for twelve months, didnt speak much at all and lost weight. No grief counselling, no hugs, just get on with it.
Very well written and completely agree and feel for you and your family.
I beg to differ that there are no signs also, in hindsight after the suicide of my brother there were many... my brother passed away 3 years ago and Im still coming to terms with what has happened however I do not believe he made a selfish decision and as you say it was just a response to his overwhelming anguish. Thanks for your story.
My advice is TRY not to feel guilty, it is easy to believe we could have, should have, would have been able to change the outcome but that is often because we believe that with foresight, we could have changed it......the truth is we often never know, but that belief can be very self destructive to people as it can become a never ending loop.....often we never know why, so we believe a person has done it because of depression, mental illness, bullying..... but there are other reasons such as overwhelming expectations on them or a struggle to cope with normal living, even sexual assault and abuse that is not know about..... in the case of me, I deal with suicidal tendencies and I am more likely to attempt suicide when I am calm, peaceful, relaxed which is at odds with what people are told, as that is seen as good signs... but for me it actually means my mind has shut off all emotions, influences and most thoughts and put me in a void of bliss..... the irony is many of my attempts were caused by meds that I should not have been given by experts that misdiagnosed my mental illness.......Time is said to be a healer, time eases the pain but the scars always remain on our hearts, I know because I have lost some dear people and until my last memory of them is lost, they will always be remembered by me... cherish the memories of the person you knew and loved.... because thats how we want people to remember us when we are gone.... our smiles, laughter, fun, happiness.... not as a person that was mentally ill or committed suicide, that was just an aspect of our lives
In order to avoid a heartbreaking scenario there is a crucial requirement a genuinely suicidal individual needs. Accessible professional support. Sadly our caring nation decides year after year that its too expensive.
There are lots of signs. Always take a person seriously if they talk about ending their life. Its usually a long and lonely journey for the person that requires some thorough planning. Very seldom will it be a spur of the moment decision. Watch out for pill hoarding. In order to avoid detection they might very slowly over time collect medicines for a lethal dose. Common ones are paracetamol or ibuprofen easy to get and easy to hide. Sometimes theres self harm so cutting etc. look for long sleeves and personality changes.Some withdraw from the world others continue to function. Best advice, trust your gut. Ive had two loved ones go this way, the most recent was 3months ago. My gut knew it was coming, both times.
Okay so what they then? Ive not seen anything that talks about those sorts of things in the latest crop of articles. Apart from mindfulness, which I consider to be rather too cultish for my liking.
2 anyone that may want to share, what r the warning signs?
I am not a big reader but I read a book by Dr Raj Presaud called from the edge of the couch and it was a bunch of short stories about people who had seen him as a psychologist over the years. The big take away from this book was that we are all different and not every â˜different person needs to be fixed, just accepted. Reading this article made me think about how many people judge others by commenting in thoughtless ways. If we accepted people more without judgement perhaps society in general would be in a much healthier place. Well written article.
There is good training out there that teaches how to respond to signs, thoughts and attempts at suicide but it is being ignored by the media because drama sells news. Check out R U OK, QPR, Le Va - all available for training, even in workplaces - something employers should be doing to improve the wellbeing of their employees. Google the Mental Health Foundation There is even a government funded programme that has training for Maori and Pasifika communities. The media has a responsibility for reporting the whole picture and frankly it isnt.
There are helplines that are immediately accessed and can be called daily as needed.
There is immediate intervention, but it can often take 6 months for serious ongoing care. Tragically that can be far too late.